Living Life the Right Way?

This time of year is a time filled with much introspection and reflection. The Jewish New Year. Yom Kippur. The new school year. And more than in years past, I find my thoughts turning towards my own mortality, the way I've chosen to live my life and to question and ponder if I've made, and continue to make, sound choices for myself, my family and those whose lives I touch. Because, quite frankly, I am about one of the luckiest people on earth yet find stress, angst and frustration plentiful parts of my day-to-day life. Trying to do too much. Trying to take on everything that comes my way. Yet sometimes forgetting to dig the process and the people and instead getting locked-in to a task-oriented, execute, execute, execute mind-set. Not good.

This year I've had a friend, a peer, die from an awful strain of cancer. I've had another friend, a peer, diagnosed with early-stage Parkinson's. Both with wonderful, loving spouses. Both with beautiful, happy, healthy children. And then I look at my blessed life, my stresses, my angst, and weigh it against the lot of my two close friends, and I feel like I need a wake-up call, or some healthy dose of perspective given the whirlwind of life. Speaking for myself, I find it so easy to get caught up in the intensity and complexity of New York living. It's great much of the time, don't get me wrong. But it plays into the "gotta do this/gotta do that/gotta rush/gotta hop/drop off kids/go to meeting/make phone calls/do 300 emails" nutso routine, especially if you are a Type A freak like me.  If I let it. This is the time of year to take a big step back, assess, and figure out what changes you want to make and make them. And make them stick. Because while I can make resolutions and atone for crappy stuff I've said or done, the proof is in how I live my life. And some changes need to be made.

I read one of the most touching and instructive stories I've seen in this vein in today's Wall Street Journal. The story was based on a speech titled How to Achieve Your Childhood Dreams given two days ago by a beloved Computer Science professor at Carnegie-Mellon University. The speech happened to be part of a "Last Lecture" series, where top professors give talks as if it is the last lecture they are going to give, ever. The strange thing about this particular speech is that the speaker, 46-year old Randy Pausch, is going to die of pancreatic cancer within the next two months. A loving wife. Three young children. And an outlook so positive it makes me embarrassed to even contemplate the kind of bullshit that irks me day in, day out. There is a four-minute video with highlights of his talk that is a must-watch. Professor Pausch is an extremely dynamic, engaging speaker, and his subject matter couldn't be more relevant to what has been on my mind that past few weeks:

Flashing his rejection letters on the screen, he talked about setbacks in his career, repeating: "Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things." He encouraged us to be patient with others. "Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you." After showing photos of his childhood bedroom, decorated with mathematical notations he'd drawn on the walls, he said: "If your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let 'em do it."

A few other notable quotes from his talk:

• "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want"

• "What would you say if it was your last chance to say it?" [This would be instructive and informative not only for those whom you are speaking to but for yourself]

• "This is not about how to achieve your dreams, but how to live your life"

From reading the WSJ story and listening to Professor Pausch's words, I take away some key nuggets that I will attempt to imprint on my brain in order to adopt a better, healthier, more peaceful outlook on life:

• Be patient with others

• Be persistent in pursuing your goals

• Dig creativity in yourself and in others

• Turn the struggle into a positive learning experience

• Maintain perspective by testing your mind-set

And tomorrow I pray and I atone. This was some pretty good prep work, to be sure.

Comments

[Michael Eyal Sharon]

Fantastic post. What's not to love about Pausch's relentlessly upbeat take on his life.

@Seth, you're totally missing the point. The point is not that he's giving you infallible, bulletproof advice that is guaranteed to work. He's offering some suggestions for how to maintain perspective as you journey through your life. These things aren't a panacea for anything you might face.

At the end of the day, no matter what you do, there are still forces out there shaping our environment that are beyond anyone's control. And if you take this advice and still fail at whatever you're trying to do - hey, you know what - you've still got the experience.

[Michael]

Pancreatic cancer is the brick wall of the mind of men.

We, collectively, are very much on the wrong path.

[Michael]

When was the last time...

When was the last time you sat quiet enough in the alpine high country, and heard the loud crack of a snow field settling in the warm afternoon sun?

When was the last time you sat still long enough in drifted thought when all of a sudden you emerge in reality asking yourself, "Where am I?".

When was the last time you sat on the stump of an Old Growth tree, thinking thoughts?

When was the last time you gave yourself a foot massage with Dr Bonners, after walking around on the Blackrock Desert?

When was the last time you sat still on a red rock cliff, 1000 feet above the valley floor, as three ravens fly up to you on a thermal and play just a few feet in front of you - and then float gently away?

When was the last time you had a reality shattering thought as a little dust devil gently passes within feet of you sweeping up fallen leaves and tossing them over the edge of the red rock cliff?

When was the last time you heard coyote packs sing to each other? Natures surround sound.

When was the last time you floated in a hot springs on a moonless night at 3am feeling as if you'd returned to the woom only to be jostled by a gentle ripple of the water as if someone else just entered the pool but in reality no one was present except the earthquake which just took place at the center of the high alpine valley you had hiked to and played with earlier the very same day?

[Rob]

This is interesting because I believe the "what I love to do" part of life is, for many people, incompatible with how the world works. Pursuing passion is fine as long as you are in a field where you can be rewarded at some level.

Over the last few years I have made a conscious effort to spend more time networking and socializing - two things that I usually hate to do. But these things are necessary for success in today's world. It is tough for me to say whether or not I am "happier" as a result. On the one hand, I've had much more career success recently than I would have if I had kept to myself. But on the other, I don't get to spend the time alone reading, learning, etc, that I would like to.

I think people who seek to live the life you described a while back in your renaissance post will always find it hard to keep their lives simple because of the demands placed upon us by modern digital living. I think this problem will eventually be solved, as technology moves from what is popular to what is personal, but those days are still a long way off.

[Yaser Anwar]

I think at this stage in your life you can achieve a "balanced life" style that many crave, given your financial success and self-esteem.

Unfortunately, working in an investment bank or a hedge fund, that is very hard to achieve due to the level of commitment required to excel.

I always hear recruiters talk about it (how working at their bank one can achieve that, something they encourage; yea right, whatever) and think it is such BS.

[Seth Finkelstein]

Unfortunately, the people giving these speeches don't ever point out where listeners took their advice - and STILL failed miserably.

They might just as well talk about being chosen by God or pop-stuff like "The Secret", for all the nontrivial information value it contains, sadly.

[Ian]

Thanks for sharing Roger - that's a really nice post to help put things in perspective.

[Tom]

Pausch sounds like the epitome of the worldview Carol Dweck describes in her book Mindset.